You Face Me I Face You
Welcome to the other side. The other side of fear where the real work begins and the years of running so far and so fast, it all just finally comes to an end. And here we all are, some a little more bruised from their experiences, some stragglers are coming in around the bend, and then there’s us…the ones who couldn’t let go of the rope and so we got drug for miles. I’m not going to say that we’re stupid, because that simply is not so. But by God are we some of the most hopefully optimistic and too quick to forgive, hardheaded, determined people around, believing time and again that if we could just “love them enough.” that they might be okay and possibly even happy.
Loving her enough, loving him enough, loving any of them enough isn’t humanly possible but what IS ENTIRELY possible is spending your entire life attempting to provide them with the joy and life fulfillment that they should have acquired through their own experiences rather than ours.
This was more than once, more than twice- pretty much brings you to your knees by that third time. There was a critical lesson being missed and so it would be presented in an alternative format or structure and it would be taught again and again. Gaslight wants for you, what it has taken over 6 years for me to comprehend. This is to encourage you to be able to step into the light of the truth and perhaps harsh awareness so that your suffering may quickly come to an end.
It has for me that’s for sure. Once I got it, I mean I GOT it. It was as if the blindfold had been removed and there it was. The truth and I. This revelation occurred after I’d inadvertently landed in what I perceived to be a logically sound discussion with a clearly intoxicated and illogical family member. I was asserting myself for the first time ever and establishing imperative boundaries for my personal preservation and growth. It didn’t go over very well at all.
A covert narcissist is often too lazy or lacks the ability to gather the intelligence or facts needed to back up their deceptive assaults. Having no real substance to support their argument, they will go to what has typically worked in the past. In the past however, I was not nearly as emotionally healthy nor had I been aware of the abusive nature of the narcissist and the tactics they use to annihilate. Facts or evidence to support their claims just wasn’t necessary. The only card they ever needed to play was the one I’d consistently provide them with, the scapegoats-drunk-addict-unemployed card was placed face up on the table and that was that. Case closed and I would go crawl right back under my rock with my bottle of vodka.
After later analyzing the conversation, I understood. I understood immediately what has been at the very core of every relationship, personal or professional and even the relationship I’d had with myself for over 49 years.
The real point of contention was my unwillingness to yield my position and the fact that I’d made numerous, valid points that could not be reasonably contested. So the myriad of deflections, projections, thinly veiled insults, the blanket or straw man statements being lodged at me simply found no landing zone. I now knew the absolute essence and truth of who I was and of who I was not and because of this awareness, it was finally made clear that this didn’t belong to me.
ALL OF THIS – this that you’re seeking, the knowledge and understanding of the various traits/tactics/inner workings of the narcissistic mind; Investigating every website that refers to NPD, gaslighting, exposing the narcissist;
ALL OF THIS – this that you’re doing, all of the fighting back against the blatant lies and the absurd injustice, the hours of documentation, and the therapist appointments; scrambling your brain to make others understand what you’ve been through;
ALL OF THIS – this that you’re hoping for, holding tightly to the notion that by understanding the narcissist, their tactics, how to communicate with them they’ll magically wake up to how much you love them; or alternatively fantasizing in detail what it will look like on that glorious day that you and your child will be vindicated and the truth will be set free;
ALL OF THIS – Is not the answer to the lesson being taught again and again and….
ALL OF THIS -is however, calling, leading and guiding you with desperate encouragement to the answer.
So, are you tired yet.
Of the lesson.
Here’s Gaslight’s answer and you’re not going to like it.
It’s has absolutely nothing to do with the narcissist.
The lesson has never been about them, or their narcissism.
And that was the hardest medicine I’ve ever had to take.
It is and always has been about you.
I told you that you weren’t going to like it. Because surely after the sheer hell they’ve put us through, having tormented us and possibly our children for years, stripping away our dignity, self-worth, and often times our sanity, by God this belongs to them!Not us! Right?
Because every day we co-signed the abuse, the behavior, the insane arguments that could go around for hours or the times they threatened to kill themselves while holding the barrel of a loaded shot gun in their mouth.
Yes. We co-signed every single thing, every single time.
Why did we stay?
We BELIEVED that we weren’t valuable enough to protect.
Read that again.
We BELIEVED that we weren’t valuable enough to protect.
WE BELIEVED THAT WE WEREN’T VALUABLE ENOUGH TO PROTECT.
Please allow this to marinate.
Your value is determined by every relationship you choose
Your value is defined by what you allow.
Your value is set by you.
With love I say to you,
This is the space where healing begins.
This is Your Gaslight page. It does not belong to me. Whoever me is. That has become the ever elusive question. It’s been as if spending years putting together a 5000 piece puzzle only to finish with a glaring void of the rogue piece that decided somewhere along the way to go AWOL.
Greater public knowledge of narcissism, its insidious nature, and the many implications of this amongst the general population is by far our best defense in curbing this very destructive, and ever-growing epidemic in our society.
The intent and purpose of Gaslight also has been and will continue to be more appropriately a referral source to information that we believe is accurate, reliable and well founded. Our goal is to provide awareness and education regarding the systematic and deliberate abuse that many covert narcissists engage in and the strategies, tactics or techniques that they have become adept in utilizing to obtain, maintain, and manage their supply source (I.e. their victims).
There have been numerous communications sent to the Facebook Gaslight Administration regarding various issues, but the most common question asked was, “Is this (describes incident-s) abuse?”
This page will hopefully shed some light and provide some answers. But if you or someone you know is in immediate danger, dial 911 or visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline Website at the link provided directly below. Gaslight prefers and advises that the National Domestic Violence Hotline would be the FIRST place to find the most reliable and current information for any victim of domestic abuse.
IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, DIAL 911
Gaslight’s Politically Incorrect View Of the NPD Diagnosis – But likely the Correct View
There are too many questions still floating around the validity of the disorder for Gaslights liking. And apparently we are not alone.
There are many articles online, written by behavioral health professionals which depict the narcissist as a poor lost soul, seeking validation of self through the emotional connections, albeit abusive and self serving, that they engage in with their peers. Gaslight acknowledges this “theory”, however with the personal experiences of being utilized, manipulated and destroyed across every human level of existence (economically, emotionally, mentally, physically, socially and spiritually), it falls on deaf ears. Theories and dissertations based on research consisting of controlled studies of NPD are continents apart from living in a relationship with one. We are not their peers, rather in fact, we had something they wanted, so they took it. And they often took it by dismantling and discrediting the mental health, reputation and financial security of the person.
Then what they envied, they took by force thus ultimately destroying, whether it was the target’s affability, kindness, good nature or economic status. They are liars, thieves and destroyers of souls, who in 2019, amid political correctness and safe spaces being established ad nauseam, have received a polite diagnosis, so as to receive some level of compassion and understanding for a disorder they have no control over.
And though you will see us discuss NPD and share articles or information that protect or promote the classification of a disorder, Gaslight calls Bullshit….but of course that’s only an opinion, which we realize is not always acceptable to possess in 2019. But if in fact it truly is a disorder, an illness, or mental health issue, why and how are they so very adept at the cover up? This is what an attorney brought up during one of many legal arguments. If, in fact an illness, then how was one with such a disorder able to spin elaborate falsehoods, not only with intention, but an extraordinary ability to conceal, conspire and convince?
How is This Your Page?
What we mean is that you are welcome to share your story by submitting your experience to Gaslight.
We want to encourage our readers to just be cautious before submitting your story, as Gaslight does not under any condition want to promote a cluster of people diagnosing NPD that have basically been in “bad” relationships. The two are nowhere near the same, and we hope that most individuals never have the opportunity to compare.
It is very difficult upon exiting a relationship with a narcissist to tell anyone. The absurdities and the nonsense and the chaos and the terror of it, any of it, all of it, so many individuals simply cannot comprehend. And because they cannot comprehend it, they cannot believe it.
“Sharing my story—with the few who actually cared and were able to provide safe and loving attention to my traumatic experiences has been the most healing medicine for me. Prior to this, it was if I’d been suffocating for so long while others walked by oblivious to the fact that I was literally dying. So for the last five years I have felt incredibly alone, disconnected from others, and somehow always out of sync. Once I began writing however, there was a sudden shift, and I knew there was no stopping. And although there was great trepidation about disclosing too much, after I’d crossed over to the other side of fear, years of bottled up emotions, good and bad, began flowing out of me. After each blog entry was written, edited and posted, I would feel this enormous release within me. To best describe this feeling, it is what I imagine it must have felt like when I took my very first breath. A freedom of existence so beautiful and light. I knew I’d found something, perhaps even the key I’d been searching all my life for. The key that would finally be able to open me.” ~Kacie Brockman
A bad relationship and a narcissistic relationships are two entirely different breeds. So we ask that you please be understanding and sensitive to the fact that just because someone may very well be an asshole, that certainly does not compare to or constitute the narcissistic’s savage abuse of isolation, constant correction, relentless mental manipulation, character assassination, continuous constructed chaos, terror and confusion. Shall we continue?
In your submissions do not use any names, cities, or what might specifically identify you or your abuser.
As much as Gaslight despises protecting the privacy of a narcissist, we fully realize that not everyone is what they appear to be. And to label or identify anyone specifically as such would be gravely irresponsible and dangerous for both individuals.
This is not a platform to “burn the witches “ so to speak. Our objective as previously stated is to promote awareness and to educate. If we feel your submission falls outside of this objective, it simply will not be published.
There is no compensation for any submissions. GASLIGHTIFACEYOU is not receiving any compensation to even support compensation of any kind for any submissions.
Thank you and please like and subscribe so that we may continue to spread awareness faster than the narcissist can spread lies.